If you think truly lasting inner peace is some quality or emotion that somehow magically is bestowed on people, you are dead wrong. You are ‘headed down the wrong direction’ wrong.
True, it at times can feel like inner peace is conferred with some probabilistic magical quality. Some couples end their marriages, are able to be at peace with one another. Some couples end their marriages, and at the very least one or the other partner can’t stand the other. Some couples end their marriages, and both parties hate each other, constantly are at each other’s throats.
The difference between the three sets of couples outlined can appear entirely random, defying of explanation. This, however, is not true.
Truly lasting inner peace is not magically bestowed, it is earned.
Exes who are able to live at peace with one another focus on application of lessons learned for arrival at better marriages in future. They know the reasons their marriage did not work out. They understand that staying mad at their exes will not produce better romantic relationships in present or future.
Exes who are peace with one another are comfortable with the fact that most of the time you never really can tell who started what.
Exes who at peace with one another understand that if they want to enrich their current lives, they have to let go of their own failings, and failings of their exes. They understand well that proverbial adage which says,
“if you do not let go of the dead bird in your hand, a live one may not alight”,
or is it,
“whether the bird in your hand lives or dies, it lies entirely in your hand?“,
anyway, you catch the drift.
What then is source of truly lasting inner peace, the sort of peace that enables exes live at peace with one another? The sort of peace that enables a guy with a college football scholarship who busts his knee go on to become a medical doctor or engineer? The sort of peace lacking in another guy who busts his college scholarship via a bust of his knee then spends the rest of the time taking it out on his girlfriend (by the way, someone made this into a movie)?
Knowledge is the only source of truly lasting inner peace. Since knowledge has to be acquired, truly lasting inner peace is earned, not magically bestowed.
Why does a guy who busts his knee while playing college football spend the rest of the time taking it out on the girl who was with him when he busted his knee?
Because he thinks she would love to leave, but feels obligated to stay. He believes the college scholarship and his prospects of playing professional football were key to formation of the relationship.
Now that he no longer is the man he once was, he hates the thought that if she had not been with him at timing of busting of his knee, he never would have had time of day with her.
The problem with reasoning of the guy who takes his busted knee out on his girlfriend?
The die hard girl who cares only about the money never will stay out of guilt. If a girl feels guilty to stay, prospect of a professional football career for her hubby was appealing, but there was more to her interest than the money. The key to keeping the girl? Believing she will stay with a guy who cares, who keeps on pursuing success.
If the guy who takes it out on the girl would act on knowledge, as opposed to his emotions, he would focus on what to do to keep the girl, not wonder whether she is aching to leave. If he focuses on keeping the girl, he goes on to become a medical doctor or engineer, not the guy who takes it out on the girl.
If the girl stays, he gets the girl. If the girl leaves, he becomes a medical doctor or engineer. Either way, he heads towards success. If he takes it out on the girl, he ends up damaging both himself and the girl.
His knowledge, and decision to act on his knowledge, as opposed to his emotions sets both himself and the girl free to become whatever it is they each choose to be.
The difference then between the peace that enables transition to medical doctor or engineer, as opposed to transition to the guy who damages himself and the girl?
Knowledge of human behavior, knowledge that guilt means there is conscience. Knowledge that it is not necessarily gold digging for a girl to seek out a man she thinks will be successful. Knowledge that it is not infidelity for a girl to begin to wonder whether things could still work out.
The difference between the two responses resides entirely in knowledge.
Whenever exes are able to live at peace with one another, they are comfortable with the fact that they contributed in one form or another to failure of their marriage.
This is eternal fact of life. No one is so perfect they never handled anything less than perfectly in a marriage. Human imperfection, miscommunication, and feasibility of some immaturity at timing of marriage are all that are needed in order for a potentially good marriage to devolve into divorce.
If anyone thinks they were perfect in a prior marriage, they suffer from hubris of eyesight that turns bad only when it is turned on itself.
No one in this life is that perfect.
The quality that produces peace between exes? Knowledge.
So then, truly lasting inner peace comes from knowledge and understanding of what life is, how things are, and willingness to impose knowledge on emotions.
Consider for instance the difference between satire and polemic, with satire at times coming across like a pseudo polemic.
Satire attempts to cast a serious issue in humor so you get a chuckle out of it. A polemic seeks to get you all roused up about some injustice, unfairness, or unethical behavior. When you infer a satire, you know the author does not belittle, merely attempts to cast a serious matter in some humor. The purpose of humor? Discharge of any negative energies you carry around on the subject.
No matter how much you care about any subject, allowing the care devolve into negative energy never is good for you nor for society. Defusing of this negative energy, and reinforcing of positive energy is essence of satire.
The novel ‘Animal Farm’ by George Orwell is written in such a way that a honest communist could laugh at himself or herself, yet simultaneously wonder if he and his comrades had not created yet another monster, as opposed to the Utopia they envisioned.
Turns out that old adage, ‘knowledge is power’ is true after all, for if there is one quality no human being ever is bold enough to declare they do not need, it is truly lasting inner peace.
With respect to importance of knowledge, consider for instance great novels. The knowledge that authors sometimes have a certain number of pages in mind, a target which can induce some filler material that does not make for great reading, means regardless you are able to appreciate a great novel.
The novel, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen is a classic, but is chock full of filler material. The follow up by the same author, Persuasion has less of filler material. I dare say I cannot confidently ascribe Persuasion with any significant filler material. Guess when you have proved you can write a novel as large as Sense and Sensibility, you are able to relax enough to produce a better smaller novel in Persuasion.
If you seek truly lasting inner peace, knowledge is key. Acceptance of validated knowledge, and willingness to apply validated knowledge helps get you more than halfway to your objective.
The other half of the way?
Understanding of how exactly to apply knowledge you already have, understanding that builds up over time. But if your understanding will build up over time, you must be honest about your failings at application of knowledge already at your disposal.
If you seek truly lasting inner peace, it lies entirely in your hand, resides entirely within your reach.