I anticipate most readers — women especially — probably will hate this piece by the time the last sentence rolls through their mind or off their tongue. I am going to write this piece anyway.
So here goes.
Trippier and Svet met, fell in love, got married. Trippier had a career as a professional manager, Svet as a motivated administrator of a not-for-profit dedicated to meeting needs of underprivileged persons. As the years drew on, Trippier moved from one big company to an even bigger company, sometimes having responsibility for layoffs. Svet still the motivated administrator increasingly was getting submerged in futility of good which seemed to be nothing more than a drop in the ocean; good which made a difference yet hardly made a dent. Her company was doing more and more good every year yet realities of their target populations seemed to become more and more bleak. It was not money that was the problem. They had more than enough. What they saw in the eyes of the people they were helping was a hopelessness that was not there the year before, or the year before that. Their help still was being received but the people no longer could see the help to be meaningful. Whatever system the people perceived at work in their lives was trumping any sense of appreciation, which was plentiful, for the good they were doing. She was angry yet empathetic at the same time. Whatever joy she always had derived from her work gradually was being seeped away by frustrated looks of her target population. Svet was experiencing career related stress. Success was becoming the enemy.
In light of Svet’s condition, is it advisable for Trippier and Svet to build something meaningful together in their marriage with particular focus on intersection of their professional lives?
But wait, is such an objective even feasible?
We are not talking here about Trippier and Svet’s romantic lives. We are talking about the couple coming up with agreed objectives to tackle outside of romantic sphere of marriage, with focus on intersection of their professional lives.
Stated in full, the two related questions are:
First, Is it advisable for Trippier and Svet to come up with agreed objectives to tackle outside of romantic sphere of marriage, with focus on intersection of their professional lives.
Second does such an objective have any feasibility at all?
But why should this matter someone may wonder? Well this raises a pertinent question which is:
Can Trippier and Svet’s marriage thrive if in the present circumstance they keep their professional lives totally separate?
In my opinion, keeping their professional lives totally separate in the current situation alienates Trippier and Svet emotionally. This emotional alienation obviously leads to physical alienation. Combination of emotional and physical alienation induces a separate lives cohabiting together phenomenon — the beginning of the end of a marriage. We have then that attempts at maintenance of separation in professional lives induces separation within the marriage.
Maintenance of professional distance within marriage can induce separation between couples particularly in contexts within which at least one of the two is undergoing tremendous stress in the workplace.
An Amended Context
Now suppose Trippier is a man married to some other woman named Karen, all other details the same. Also assume Svet is a man married to some other woman named Katherine, all other details the same. For sake of this perturbation both Karen and Katherine are homemakers by choice. Both are well educated, do some part time work but focus primarily on managing their homes.
Under new relationships detailed and assuming communication is good within the two new marriages created, does Svet’s emotional state still constitute a risk to state of the new marriage? Does risk of emotional separation remain high within context of a marriage between Svet and Katherine?
I do not claim to have the right answers. I know, however, these are interesting pressing questions. What seems to stand out to me, however, is that particularly during emotionally challenging times, incapacity of husbands and wives to pursue intersecting professional objectives can in of itself kill off a marriage.
I could be wrong. I have been divorced once already.