I have not masturbated in 10 years. I am not talking, ‘shaking with withdrawal symptoms’ sort of abstinence. I am talking ‘not tempted at all’ sort of abstinence. I do not struggle with ‘not masturbating’. I do not think about masturbation at all, have no desire for it. Mine is not the sort of self deceiving proclamation by the hero pilot in the Flight movie, the fictional pilot played by Denzel Washington who proclaimed he could stop drinking anytime only to binge drink even worse than ever before subsequently. In 10 years, I have not had any desire whatsoever for masturbation. Masturbation totally has lost any hold whatsoever that it ever had on me.
I had to stop masturbating because I realized it was not good for me. Every masturbation left me wanting more. Every masturbation left me looking for more of legal sensual material for accompaniment of masturbation. I could not get enough of masturbation.
How did I know masturbation was not good for me? Well, whenever my ex wife and I had satisfying sex, I never felt discomfort after ejaculation. I felt satiated, relaxed. Whenever I masturbated, even after ejaculation, I felt like I needed another one almost immediately. Something obviously was not quite right. Sex left me satiated. Masturbation made me feel like I needed another right there and then. My mind told me I needed to stop. Clearly, masturbation was not right for me.
So is masturbation right for you? This is a personal question for you to consider. Do you feel under pressure to masturbate? Do you feel your masturbation is out of control? Do you feel like every masturbation leaves you unsatisfied longing for another almost immediately? Then perhaps masturbation is not right for you. Perhaps you will be better off conquering your desire for masturbation, as opposed to continuing to find rationales for its justification.
Is there a physiological explanation for masturbation leaving men wanting more? Well, during heterosexual sex, a man’s penis is ensconced in secretions produced by a woman’s body. Perhaps we do not understand importance of this ensconcing in secretions, ensconcing not possible in context of masturbation. Just as a non-lubricated machine can get hot and bothered while having to move back and forth then break down, perhaps we do not understand what damage we incur on male penises when we engage in masturbation.
I cannot speak to masturbation by women, I never have been a woman, do not know whether masturbation leaves them wanting more almost immediately. When the sex was right, however, I know my ex wife loved to just snuggle close to me, sometimes placing her head on my chest like in that moment all was right with the world. Clearly, good sex did not leave her unsatiated, much the same as was my experience.
Having decided masturbation was not right for me, sometime in 2009 I laid down the gauntlet. I had to quit masturbation. I failed miserably until Jesus Christ through His Spirit showed me the solution. It is impossible for me to delve into the details of the solution in this piece. Just so you know, this is no 12-step program for arrival at abstinence. All of the steps you require for victory can be performed in 30 minutes or less. Repeated over time faithfully you can arrive at the same success I have achieved — total freedom from desire for masturbation. It took me about 6 months to arrive at total freedom. Yours may take longer or shorter. But if you practice the steps faithfully, total victory is possible, within reach.
The beauty of the steps required? What you do at the end of a day filled with success is not much different from what you do on a day during which you fail yourself. The steps remain almost exactly identical. The only reason I cannot guarantee your victory — your outcome never can be independent of your integrity, faithfulness to the course, desire for success, and efforts.
If you like me feel masturbation is not right for you, I have detailed the steps that led to my success, steps that work for any addiction in Chapters 14 and 15 of my Book titled, In Jesus Name, available for sale at Amazon.com.
So then you wonder, given the title of my book will you not have to trust in Jesus Christ for success?
To this I respond, “do people not put their trust in gurus, 12-step programs, and all sorts of hocus pocus regardless of less than stellar historical success rates?”
In so far as changed lives are concerned, Jesus is a more proven quantity than any guru or 12-step program. Consider that time is ordered by the timing of birth of Jesus Christ. A man who was crucified by the Roman Empire, and rejected by His own people has time ordered according to the timing of His birth. From about 325 AD to 1454 AD, what arguably was the greatest civilization in the world (Constantinople) was anchored on teachings of Jesus Christ. Apostle Paul is a fact of history — a man who persecuted Christians became a champion of Christianity. Whether you at this time believe Jesus to be Son of God or not, you at least have to admit Jesus was one remarkable man, a man who changed the world more after His death than while He was alive. This is fact of history, not Bible speak. So then, does it seem reasonable to place your faith in the phenomenon that is Jesus; in the proven quantity that is Jesus Christ? I am not recommending to you a church creed or a church organization. I am recommending to you Jesus and Jesus alone.
I say, just be honest with Jesus Christ and let Him know you are trying the steps and looking for confirmation that He is for real at the same time. But if your search for confirmation of reality of Jesus is to yield a good answer you have to practice the steps faithfully and ask Jesus into your life either trustingly or agnostically, but with a heart receptive to your new experiences. Like someone exclaimed to Jesus in the Bible, “Jesus I believe, but I know I have doubts, help my unbelief.”
If you attempt halfheartedly, you never will be sure whether it was your lack of effort that prevented you from experiencing success. Jesus has promised He blows flickering lights back to full flame, helps broken twigs regain their straightness. He will not turn you away.