If we already are comfortable with and love who we are, we never should have to abandon the core of who we are to fit into someone else’s life. Ditto someone in whom we have a romantic interest. Not that we should not be willing to accommodate in certain respects; clearly it is wishful non-pragmatic thinking to want to mesh two lives together without some give and take. If we have to give up the core of who we are, however, the proposed partner does not really love who we are; rather they are in love with some notion of what they conceive they can make of us. Reciprocity demands we also must be patient to find someone whose core we will not demand be forgone if they are to be with us.

The problem with entering into romantic relationship with someone who has yet to be comfortable with who they are, as such are willing to change significantly in order to be with us, is the relationship can totally break down 20 years down the road subsequent to the discovery they do not want to be what they already have become. If the decision to quit the relationship merely validates what they already have become, they were living a double life all of those 20 odd years.

Finding the right person can make a happy person happier. Rushing into a bad relationship fit can make a happy person’s life miserable. While happier is better than happy, happy always has a chance of blooming into happier. Misery that is outcome of a bad relationship fit has very little chance, however, of transformation into a state of happiness. Better to be happy then than miserable.

Written by

Educator and Researcher, Believer in Spirituality, Life is serious business, but we all are pilgrims so I write about important stuff with empathy and ethos

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